Well you know it doesn’t get any easier and I am still dead inside just waiting to be able to be with you but I have two wonderful grandsons and I know you see them I pray for Holly and them all the time we have Mikey and douggie Holly and I are both Catholic now her sons are both Catholic and severely nonverbal autistic she has a very hard life but she loves them dearly I’m sure as busy as she stays that she talks to you all the time oh I can’t believe it’s been 14 years seems like just yesterday I can still reach out and touch you or when you’re not there I love you very muchAnd pray to see you soon but it’s gods time not mine so I wait and enjoy my grandsons and my daughter and other grandchildren and children until my time I know you’re watching down on us and I know you’re in heaven at least I don’t have to feel bad about that

Fourteen years... seems like another lifetime ago, although the memories are as fresh as this morning. I think of all the funny things you used to do and it makes me smile. I wish you were still here, I know where you are is better; but you made the world better by being in it. Love you forever, Doug.

I don’t know if I’m doing this right anymore I’m missing a lot of things on here and they’re not showing up some of them I was just thinking about you and how to come and visit the tribute I try not to depend on it anymore but it doesn’t work that way I still do I miss you most as much today as I did when you passed away I think about you all the time especially now that I’m home not even in my own home I can’t afford to live by myself loving and very little money can’t buy gifts for the kids but I’m close to Holly I lived with her husband’s grandmother for a while taking care of her for a couple years but she passed away recently and I was left without a place and in the hospital so when I got out I came to Charles and Julie‘s and we don’t get along very well but I’m here I mostly stay in the one little bedroom since being diagnosed with the MS it’s not an easy going and it gets closer and closer to the time I’m not gonna walk but I hopefully before the lobby, Taylor but I keep going to physical therapy he doesn’t stop me from falling many trips to the hospital and becoming one big scar but now Jasmine tier she’s getting ready to graduate from high school and go to college just got all set up which is good Charles is an alcoholic is why it’s not much better along with the marijuana they give me marijuana now legally for medical but I don’t use it I don’t believe it works I just wish you were here or I were there I have a feeling I’m gonna live as long as you wanted to and you passed when I wanna to of course that was before I met you and we were going to grow old together and go to the mall and hold hands like the old couples we used to think was so cute and sit on the porch and talk hopefully after physical therapy again I’ll be able to at least get a part-time job even living with somebody I go broke before the months out by the time I pay my medicines and I pay my car insurance which I think is very high because I only have a 2000 PT cruiser and I’m still paying over $100 a month for insurance and it’s just PIP it’s ridiculous I guess it’s because I’m old since it I’ve only had one ticket in my lifetime well it’s 5:30 in the morning and I still haven’t gone to sleep so I am going to quit talking and come back laterI love you always