I'm tired of crying and I really want to learn how to stop. But I think I no the answer.. Well I'm done and I'm going to go away and live for myself and no one else and maybe not even let them no where I'm at when I do go but I can't do that until january when my lease is up. I can't take the way I have done everything and more for my children and some of them thing I still owe them and they don't even respect me which is something I don't understand at all but I don't really care anymore I just want to go somewhere and wait till it is my time and not worry about my children then they will be happy and also maybe that is what GOD wants from me to let go and live for myself then maybe he will take me. I wish that I kenw what GOD wants from us can we go to heaven if we let go and die on our own or will we go to hell . Did Doug really kill himself and it be useless for me to wait here to be with him or should I join him on my own maybe he isn't in haven if he killed himself. I wish he could let me no like maybe Doug could come to me and say wait GOD has a plan for you and me and one day we will be together or go to hell I'm waiting for you what is the answer. I just no that I don't want to be here any longer. I have nothing else to give our children that they want so I need to take my love and join you. PS I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU THANKS FOR LISTENING I JUST WISH YOU COULD ANSWER. AND YOU NO THAT I LOVE YOU AND OUR CHILDREN MORE THAN ANYTHING.